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Friday, January 7, 2011

hormonal anxiety

Last night was quite a roller coaster. Let me explain My handsome husband Scottie is getting quite anxious for this little one of ours to arrive. So throughout the past few days he is always texting me at work asking "How are you feeling?" "Any contractions", etc. Last night he was really wanting to get things going because he just couldn't wait till Tuesday. He has taken me to eat spicy food, laughed with me while I did lunges and walked fifty flights of stairs, hung out with me while I walked on the treadmill etc. etc. etc.... and still nothing.

Well, last night while I was cooking up a scrumptious din din, I was having a few contractions here and there (like always) but they weren't consistent or getting worse or closer together. Nothing to worry about, I kept telling myself. So when I told Scottie that I felt pretty crappy, he asked me if he should go get the car seat ready and grab the hospital bag haha. I think he was just so excited that he couldn't take it anymore and from that point on he kept trying to get me to try new things to get our baby girl here. Me on the other hand was not having it. I think the realization of it all had finally hit me. Nine months is a long time but last night it all came crashing down. After a while he realized how nervous I had gotten about the whole transition of prego to mamo, ANNNND all the scary things of getting to that point (aka: contractions getting worse, labor, pushing, and the the whole recovery and zero sleep I will soon be getting). Just as he put his arm around me I started bawling!!! Unfortunately, Scottie was just being sweet and getting excited about his baby girl, but I on the other hand had a hormonal, terrifying, breakdown!

Scott laughs at me because he knows how frightened I am about pain or the fear of the unknown. I DO NOT like being in pain. In fact when I know it's coming, it's as if everything in my body shuts down. So you can understand what I mean, I will give you a little flash back....

About six years ago I got really sick and I found out that I had a blood disease that runs in my family. My dad, sister, grandma, uncle, and great grandpa all have the same blood disease known as Spherocitosis. After many doctors visits, we found out that I would have to undergo surgery to remove my spleen, gall baldder, & appendix. Due to the fact that my spleen was 8 lbs and the size of a small loaf of bread, I have a massive scar down the middle of my stomach so they could get it out. After returning home from the hospital my stomach hurt where my incision was. I figured it hurt because well, hello?? I had just been sliced down the middle and was missing three organs. No wonder it hurt? Well the only thing that made it feel better was to kind of hold my incision together and lean over. For some reason it offered relief.... until I noticed that my shirt was really wet. We called the doctor and he had us come in to have it checked out. From just looking at my incision he could tell that I needed to have it re-opened so he popped the top few stitches out like popcorn, while a 1/2 cup of puss came draining out. I had developed a staph infection. Sweet. He then told me that I would have to pack it with three feet of gauze twice a day using a long q-tip to reach to the bottom of my outrageously sore wound to prevent it from closing up while I doped up on antibiotics......for the next two months. Needless to say that he sent a home nurse to do it for me so I could understand the correct way to do it. I think her name was Betsy or something and even though she was really sweet she was NOT my favorite person. She would usually call about a 1/2 hour before she arrived to stuff my like a turkey and instantly I would have panic attacks because it hurt sooooooo bad. Due to my overwhelming reaction to the nurse's torture methods I was given a Valium to calm me down. This made life a little easier but those were probably the worst two months of my life. Hands down.

Now back to my story. As I was freaking out I resorted back to my old ways but this time I couldn't exactly pop in a Valium. I started taking deep breaths and blowing them out slowly. In order to slow down my breathing I do this weird thing with blowing my lips like a motor boat. That's when Scottie told me to just let it all out and indeed, I LET IT ALL OUT!! My small tears turned completely to loud sobs which turned into what I think was laughing and crying at the same time because I knew I was being ridiculous, but really I was scared to death. Poor Scottie didn't know what to do? I probably scared the crap out of him! He is now, I am sure, thinking of telling the doctor to knock me out and wake me up when the baby is here. I eventually calmed down after about 45 minutes and a whole roll of toilet paper. Hopefully it will be a smooth process and all will go well. I just have to remember that I'm not going through all of it with nothing in the end. I will eventually be holding my little girl in my arms which I am sure will make it all worth it. Until then I DO NOT want to hear anymore horror stories about labor & delivery.

15 comments:

Megan C. said...

You'll do great! While labor and delivery totally sucks, in the long run you won't remember how bad it was because the end result is so great. Just relax and think of that darling baby girl waiting to meet her mommy!

The Bartons said...

It really isn't that bad, The worst part of both of my deliveries was the IV they put in my arm. Epidurals don't hurt, they numb the area before they pull out the big needle! and that only feels like a little bee sting and after that its smooth sailing!... oh get your epidural right after the doctor breaks your water, because that is when you really start to feel the pain..... I learned that the hard way!good luck

The Hunzikers said...

Honestly, I am the biggest baby about pain...I mean seriously and I think the anticipation was worse than the whole labor and delivery and I was in labor 16 hrs and had a c-section. So trust me, if I can say that, you know you'll make it through!! When you're there and you know the end result, it's not nearly as bad as everyone makes it sound. I, too, hated all the horror stories. They do nothing for an expectant mother!

The Peterson's said...

I thought Labor was so much easier then the 9 months! If the baby could just pop in me ready to go and all I had to do was labor I would have a million kids! You are wonderful and will do fine!

Lea Tame said...

Oh no, Christie! Even though I'm scared to death to do it all again... it was the easiest part for me! I would rather go through labor, delivery, and recovery 9 times instead of being pregnant!

sinika said...

You'll do awesome Christie. It's such an amazing experience. Make Scotty take pictures, not of the delivery (unless you want to) but right after. Of you. And Baby G. Take your favorite magazines and your phone to pass the time and be ready to take some naps when the epidural kicks in... Ahhh. :) Tell your nurse exactly how you're feeling and what you need- she'll take care of you!

Natalie said...

Ah, the lovely emotions of being prego. I won't even tell you how many meltdowns I had. :) Everything will go great. My delivery was wonderful and it was a great experience. I was scared to death for it all (I freak out about pain too) and was pleasantly surprised with how well it all went! You will do fabulous!!!

Charlotte said...

For me epidurals were totally heaven sent and the labor was REALLY not bad. Sounds like your last hospital stay and experience was way worse! Just be Excited (if you can):) The delivery day for each of my babies rank among the best experiences of my life!

Katie Petersen said...

You can do it! It isn't nearly as bad as you think it is in your mind. I promise. And yes, keep the end in sight. You are so lucky that you will get to take her home with you. That will make it even more worth all you are about to go through.

jonna said...

I can't believe you are still prego! Not to discourage you or anything.I think it is only because I go at about 37 weeks. I don't think I could hang on as long as you have.

You will be fine I am sure. Haven't done the labor(c-sections) but did go into labor with both kids. It isn't anything you can't get through.
Good luck and come on baby!!!

By the way...wish we could see each other more. THinking I could make a trip out there once baby comes and see you and maybe Lacey! Been to long! Plus I have a gift sitting here for you...never went to your shower:(

Can't wait to hear the story!

Gabe, Melissa, and Jace said...

Oh Christie. YOu are so cute. I know you will do great and every thing will go great! I know I was terrified, but it honestly was not bad at all. I was definatley pleasantly surprised. Having an epidural and your husband by your side it is not bad at all. THe unknown is kina scary to think about, but I know you will do awesome. You will have sweet Gabby in your arms and forget all about the fact that you were so scared. Good luck! Sure love ya!! Keep us posted!

Gabe, Melissa, and Jace said...

P.S. I think its is time for baby Gabby to come. YOu are making your self nervous by having too much time to think! Just sayin:) XOXO

Lisa Riddle said...

Don't you love when people tell you horror stories when you are pregnant hello. My sister-in-law would tell me everytime I saw her how labor was the worst experience of her life blah, blah. Which she was exaggerating greatly. I'm not going to tell you it is pleasant, but once you have the epidural it is smooth sailing and you don't feel a thing!

The Ashworth's said...

Christie you make me laugh! I had James give me a blessing before we went to the hospital and it really helped calm my fears. You are going to do great!

Gingerlylizzy said...

Was just stopping by to see if you had posted about the birth of your new little peanut. What, no update yet? It isn't like you just had a baby or anything! LOL

Reading this post reminded me of me. I had tumors removed from my ovaries and my incision developed a clot and reopened so I also had to have the nurse come to my home and show me how to stuff gauze into the incision while it took 3 weeks to close up - it was awful! I remember being so scared of giving birth to Blake because I did NOT want to have a c-section for fear of the same thing happening. It didn't. I am so happy for you and can't wait to hear all about it and your little addition! xoxo